


Quick! Bury the Evidence!

by narwhalpuppy



Category: American Dad!, Paradise PD (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:20:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22200181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: Things go to hell when Dusty mistakenly shoots a Latino teenager.  Randall then calls Stan Smith for help.  (My fourth Paradise PD fanfiction and a crossover with American Dad.)
Kudos: 2





	Quick! Bury the Evidence!

Paradise PD In Association With American Dad Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production 

Quick! Bury The Evidence. 

Driving through the town of Paradise was an SUV. Inside was Stan Smith and his faithful wife Francine. Taking in the scenery Stan talks to his wife. "It's good to have some time to ourselves!" said Stan. "This is exactly what we needed! So happy you didn't forget our anniversary this time!" Francine agrees. Stan goes on, "Jeff and Hayley can take over the house while we're gone. Now that Hayley has a full time job at Sub Hub!" Francine laughs, "And Jeff can help Steve with his homework!" "Don't forget, no Roger and Klaus, either!" Stan adds. The town of Paradise looked like a backwater town. "What was Jackson thinking when he suggested this place to us?" riffed Stan. 

"At least the hotel we'll be staying at will be nice." Francine said. "This isn't a crime city, is it?" Arriving at the hotel and finding a parking space, Stan and Francine go inside to check into their room. "What state is this?" asked Francine. "More importantly, why is this dingy town called 'Paradise'?" wondered Stan. 

Stan paid for the hotel room they will be staying in for a week. The hotel was a five star one perhaps the only swanky place in Paradise. It was a Westin. Going inside an elevator Stan's and Francine's room was on the fifth floor. "We're not going to get a space themed room like in Blue Valentine." Francine jokes. 

"We all know how that ended!" laughed Stan. Francine grows worried, "I just hope you won't be called in to do any CIA work." "Never you worry, Francine. It won't be like that tropical vacation when I hunted down that Goran dude." Stan said. Putting the key into their room, Stan and Francine open their door only to see Roger and Klaus surprise them both. Roger was dressed as Juan Valdez. Klaus was dressed as a mule. 

Roger says, "Buenos Dias! Why not try some of my Columbian coffee! The richest coffee in the world!" 

"ROGER! I thought I left you back in Langley Falls!" shouts Stan. 

"How did you shitheads get here!" Francine asked. 

"Oh never mind how! We're all here!" Klaus implies. 

Roger begs Stan, "Please let us come with you!" Klaus joins in, "Ja, we didn't want to be stuck with Jeff, Hayley, and Steve!" 

Stan agrees, "Okay you guys can stay. But do your own thing here and leave me and Francine alone!" 

Meanwhile at a street corner on duty around a plaza, Dusty was on beat cop duty. He sees what looks like a Latino teenager running away as if he was guilty of something. 

"STOP! POLICE! PARADISE PD! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!" Dusty warns the teen. 

Running after the teen, for what seemed like miles on end. The on foot chase lasted about thirty minutes. Dusty struggles to keep up with him, however his obesity slowed him down. Then eventually shooting the teen fatally. Dusty checks on the now dead teen. Looking around to see if the teen had done anything illegal. Dusty finds nothing. 

"OH NO! WHAT HAVE I DONE!" Dusty screams hysterically. 

Back at the Paradise PD Headquarters in the conference room. Randall has an announcement to make. "Officers I need to talk to you all about......" It got abruptly interrupted by Dusty running into the room with unmanageable crying. "DAMMIT DUSTY! What did you do this time?" Randall screams. Dusty sobs, "HOW CAN I DO IT! HOW CAN I DO IT!" Randall yells at Dusty. "DO WHAT! Is this another one of your fuck ups as usual Dusty!" Struggling to explain and stammering, Dusty tries to get the words out. Bullet walks in. "Woah! Hey! Is Daniel Day Lewis from My Left Foot in this room?" The drug dog implied. 

"That was taken out of context." Gina said rolling her eyes. "What? He had tantrums in that movie, didn't he?" Bullet asks. Kevin could not help but feel sorry to Dusty, "Go ahead and tell us, Dusty." "We're waiting!" Fitz said tapping his foot. 

Dusty finally confesses, "I shot a Latino teen! It was an accident!" Dusty sobs again. Randall was in shock. "OH SHIT! This is the last thing the Paradise PD needs!" Fitz agrees, "Tell me about it. Once the media gets wind of this. They'll be protest groups against us cops telling us 'Latino Lives Matter'. Boy can I see that shit going down now!" Dusty jumps up and down, "BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I THOUGHT HE WAS BAD!" 

Stanley tries to chime in, "Don't worry, fat fella. You're not the only one who did that! Back when I fought in the Alamo, I used to penis whip Mexican Latino Bandits!" "You fought in the Alamo?" Bullet asked. "Kick a lot of Mexican Latino ass! Guess you had to be there!" Stanley tells Bullet. "Any plans of what to do about this?" Kevin asks. Dusty had the Latino's teen's ID in the pocket. "This is all that's left of him I guess." 

Gina walks to Dusty. "I know what'll make you feel better? Hows about a nice hand job?" "Forget it, Gina! I am in no mood!" Dusty tells her then sobs again. "Fine, I'll wait until this whole thing is over!" Gina said rolling her eyes. Randall and Kevin look at the ID. Randall reads it, "He was 17. A male, his name is Jose Sanchez. Kevin! Get a background check on this asshole!" "Yes Dad!" Kevin answers. "Jose? I shot a kid named Jose? Like that one kid villain in Cybersix?" Dusty asks flustered. Bullet said, "You watch anime? Boy that stuff is awesome to watch when you're high! You ought to watch Sailor Moon on drugs!" 

Kevin comes back with the background report. "Read it to me, Kevin!" Randall orders his son. "He did have some criminal history it turns out. He was wanted for armed robbery and vandalism." Kevin reads the report. Randall then comes up with a plan, "This is what we'll do. We are going to cover this up and make sure nobody ever traces this back to us!" Fitz said, "Damn! I thought we were supposed to prevent crime, not enable it." "In fact," Randall says, "I know someone who can help us." Dialing his phone, Randall says, "Hello, give me Stan Smith of the Langley Falls CIA!" On the other end, Stan was on the iphone in his hotel room. "You reached him!" 

"Good! Hope you're here. Now I need your help." Randall told Stan over the phone. 

"Who is this calling," Stan asked. "Randall Crawford from the Paradise PD." 

"That's a coincidence! I happen to be in Paradise right now." Stan said. 

"Awesome, great! You CIA agents are good at covering things up, aren't you?" asked Randall. 

"Only the best. You have no idea how many crimes I helped cover up to protect the reputation of the CIA!" Stan said. 

"That's exactly why you're perfect for this! Now, here's the deal. One of my officers shot a Latino kid. And we need you to help us bury him so it can't be traced back to us." Randall said. 

"You got it." Stan agrees to help the Paradise PD. "Always willing to help the men in blue! I'll be right there! Good bye!" 

Stan claps his hands and says, "Well, Roger. Want to come with me to help the Paradise PD dispose of a body?" Roger gets excited, "This vacation has just gotten better! Count me in!" "What should I do?" asked Klaus. "Keep Francine distracted." Stan tells the goldfish. "How'll I do that? Francine will notice you're gone!" Klaus grows worried. 

Roger gets out a suitcase and inside there was a blow up doll of Stan Smith and he puts Klaus inside it then fills it up with water. "Just talk in my voice! Don't worry! You'll do great!" Stan told Klaus who was not very happy with taking Stan's place. "Why does that stupid Roger get to go with Stan and not me!" Klaus complains. 

"You got the better end of the stick this time, Klaus! You get to spend time with Frannie." Roger tells him. Klaus sighs, "I guess." Francine was in the shower finishing up. Stan and Roger sneak out of the hotel room. "Okay Stan! I'm almost done! We'll make such sweet love and have anniversary sex!" Francine calls out. "Great. I'm soon to be fish food." Klaus thinks out loud. 

* * * 

Randall and the officers were going to set out to find the corpse of the Latino teen Dusty had shot. "Stan Smith is going to meet us. Fitz, Gina, Bullet, and Dusty you guys come with me!" "You forgot me and Stanley, Dad." Kevin said. "You're both not going to be included in on this!" "Why not?" Stanley asked. "Instead you both all deliver a piano to great great Grandma Crawford!" "Oh sweet lord!" Kevin said. Stanley was one to be excited. "It won't be so bad. I'll get a piece of ass!" "Thought you were gay." Kevin said. Stanley said, "I go both ways sometimes!" 

Kevin and Stanley go to deliver the piano. Randall, Bullet, Gina, Dusty, and Fitz all wait for Stan Smith to arrive. "Hope this Stan Smith dude has some cocaine on him!" Bullet says. "Don't get your hopes up, ass. He's coming to help us bury a body!" Gina says. "Well a dog can dream!" Bullet said to Gina. 

"So this teenager was a criminal. Maybe I did the right thing after all." Dusty trembled. Fitz said, "It's fine. We all make mistakes. Hey! I think that's him right now!" The SUV stops at the Paradise Police building. Out comes Stan Smith and Roger on of this personas. 

"Stan Smith, CIA!" 

Roger said, "And I'm Clive Holt from the Undertakers Association!" Gina thinks, 'Aren't those the names of the black characters from Brooklyn Nine Nine and iZombie?'

"How lucky can we be. A CIA Agent and an undertaker!" Fitz said. 

Around the plaza where the body of Jose Sanchez was still laying. Robbie and Delbert walk out of Paradise VHS and find the murdered corpse. 

"Hey, look! It's a Mexican or a Latin-oh or something! Like that mouse in dem Bugs Bunny cartoons!" Robbie said. 

"I say we take it!" said Delbert. 

"Great idea! He'd make an excellent pinata for our Horror Movie Cosplay Party!" Robbie says. 

"We can fill it up with beans and tacos and the whatnot." suggested Delbert. 

"Cool! You still got that Pennywise costume?" asked Robbie. "Sure do, Robbie! And you're still going as Jason Vorhees correct?" asked Delbert. 

"Exactly! But we need something to replace this dead body with." said Robbie. 

Dilbert runs into a department store and gets a mannequin and puts a blanket over it. "Good thinking Delbert! Now let's go to our party!" Robbie said. "Terry Two Toes just got outta prison, that's a cause for a celebration!" Dilbert said. 

Robbie and Delbert take the dead body of Jose Sanchez and put it in their pickup truck. Randall leads Stan and Roger to the scene of the shooting. "It was right over there, see!" Dusty cries out. 

"You're taking a back seat here, Dusty!!" Randall said. "Yeah, leave this to us pros! After this we'll go to the county fair and make love on the Ferris Wheel." Gina said. 

Stan was surprised to see lots of blood around. "Nobody thought to call an ambulance! No wonder you need the CIA's help with this!" Bullet licks up the blood, "I'll clean up!" Licking what was left of the blood from Jose Sanchez Bullet says, "Tastes like chimichangas! The Latinos sure know how to eat!" Roger beings, "Well, this is my kind of town! I like you, Bullet!" Randall tells his officers, "Fitz! Gina! Put that body in the back of Stan's SUV!" "We got it!" Fitz said with a thumbs up. 

Meanwhile at the house of Great Great Grandma Crawford. Kevin and Stanley had drove there in a U-Haul truck with the piano inside. 

"This sucks total ass balls! Everyone else has a fun police assignment and gets the CIA involved. While we're stuck doing this shit!" Kevin said. Stanley wakes up from a deep sleep as he usually did. "Are we here?" he asks. "Yes we are." Kevin sighed. 

Stanley ran out of the car fast, "Have fun delivering the piano, Kevin!" 

Kevin was shocked at how fast Stanley was running for an elderly man his age. "Shit! Does this mean Stanley is going to be my in law?" Kevin pondered. 

Back at Stan's hotel room, Francine was out of the shower and got dressed. "Oh Stan! I'm ready for you!" she said seductively. Klaus discovers the Stan Smith blow up doll he was in could not move. "Oh man! I can't get this thing to budge! What'll I do!" Francine jumps on the Stan Smith blow up doll with Klaus inside. "Let's do it standing up!" Francine cheerfully said. Then she noticed that 'Stan' isn't putting the moves on her. 

"What's wrong honey?" Francine asked. 

Klaus doing the best Stan impersonation he can says, "I think I came down with rigor mortis!" 

"Oh no! That's awful! We can't afford for you to be sick on our anniversary!" Frnacine moaned with concern. By a miracle, Klaus was able to move the blow up doll from the inside. Francine was glad. "All right! Now that's the Stan I know and love!" 

Riding in Stan's SUV. Stan and Roger were riding shotgun. Randall, Bullet, Gina, and Fitz were riding in the back with what they thought was Jose Sanchez. 

"Which way to the graveyard!" Stan asked. "We should be there at sundown." Randall said. 

Fitz said in disgust. "We're driving to a graveyard and talking like cowboys? What is this the movie Ghost In The Graveyard!" 

Bullet decides to tell a joke, "What do Dusty and Gina like to do?" "I give up, what?" asks Randall. "Gina likes to Kiss Kiss! Dusty likes to Bang Bang! Get it? Like the movie Kiss Kiss Bang Bang!" 

Roger cracks up, "I like this guy!" Dusty yells, "STOP! PLEASE! I feel terrible enough as it is! I just want this over with!" "Quit your whining, Dusty! It was just a joke! Is he always like this?" Stan said. "You don't know the half of it!" Randall tells them. 

Gina said, "Even I thought that was funny! haw haw haw! I love to kiss kiss Dusty!" Dusty moaned, "Gina, please!" The sun was almost setting, and they made their way to the graveyard. In a small cottage, Robbie, Delbert, and Tommy Two Toes were having their Horror Movie Cosplay party. Terry Two Toes was dressed as Freddie Kruger. Robbie was Pennywise, and Delbert was Jason. "How does it feel like to be a free man Terry Two Toes?" asked Robbie. 

"It's fucking cool! Maybe I'll kidnap Mayor Karen Crawford again!" Terry Two Toes laughs. "Like your Freddie Kruger costume!" Delbert says. Robbie then remembers the corpse of Jose Sanchez, "Oh that reminds me, I need to fill up that 'pinata' with Latino food!" As Robbie fills up the dead body of Jose Sanchez with taco shells, salsa, taco sauce, refried beans, burritos, and nachos. "Aren't you supposed to take out the inner organs?" asked Delbert. "Nah, let's not go that far with it! We want to save this for the grand finale!" Robbie said. Terry Two Toes said, "Ain't it funny how we're having this party next to a graveyard!" 

* * * 

At Stan's Hotel Room. Francine tries to have sex with the Stan Blow Up doll. "Stan? What happened to your penis? You didn't get a vasectomy did you?" Klaus says in Stan's voice, "No I didn't! Why would I? Hope you brought your birth control!" "You always I always do that! I know you don't want any more kids after we had Steve!" Francine said. 

Francine then begins to notice something wasn't right. "Stan, why does your body feel like a waterbed?" Klaus tries to explain, "It must be my bullet proof vest! We CIA agents need them at all costs!" Francine gets off the Stan Blow Up Doll, and thinks, "Hmmmmm. It just isn't like Stan........" Klaus says, "Come on! What are you waiting for! Make love now!" 

Over at the house of Great Great Grandma Crawford. Kevin uses a pulley to get the piano to the front door. Kevin knocks at the door, "Great Great Gran! It's me! Kevin your Grandson! Dad wanted me to give this piano to you!" Stanley hears Kevin and screams, "GET OUT! GO AWAY! THIS IS PRIVATE!" Peeping through the window, Kevin sees the two old people having sex. It made Kevin want to vomit. "Old people having sex! bbbblllllllloooooooopppppppppp!" Struggling to get over the trauma of Stanley having sex with his Grandmother, Kevin makes his way into her house and puts the piano in the entertainment room. 

"Stanley, I got the piano in the house. I'll be ready whenever you are!" Kevin called out. "I ain't coming out until I'm done!" Stanley calls back. "Are you done yet?" asked Kevin. "I'll be done when I decide!" Stanley yells back at Kevin. Hearing the moans of Stanley and his Great Great Grandmother having what seemed like endless sex. Kevin sits on the couch and puts his hands in his head. "Does it really take this long for old people to fuck!" 

At the Hotel Room, Francine tries to have sex with 'Stan' again. "OKay, let's take this from the top, all right." Francine said. Klaus says, "Good that we're starting over." Francine takes a few steps back, then runs into the Stan Blow Up doll and yells, "TOUCHDOWN!" then jumps upon it. This resulted in a big humongous explosion of water with Klaus being swept away by the water that was inside the blow up doll. Klaus runs into his bowl. "KLAUS! YOU BASTARD! IT WAS YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?!" Francine shrieks. 

Klaus tries to tell her, "Francine! I'm sorry. Really I am! I have a confession to make!" "Spill it!" Francine sneered at the goldfish. "I was inside this blow up doll of Stan. Well you see......." Francine glared at Klaus, "Come on! I haven't got all day! TELL ME NOW!" 

"Stan got called to help in a civic duty by some local police department here in this town called Paradise." Klaus confesses. "So, Stan has left me behind again? On what was supposed to be our anniversary!" Francine screams. Klaus said, "Roger went with him!" Francine asks, "What was this 'civic duty' about?" Klaus said, "I don't know something about disposing of a dead body that one of the policemen killed." 

Francine figures it out, "Stan must be going to a graveyard then. Where's Roger!" "He went with Stan." Klaus answers. Francine calls a cab. "Come on, Klaus, we're going to track down Stan and you and I are both going to give it to him!" 

"I don't blame you! He promised he wasn't going to do anything having to do with his work." Klaus agreeing with Francine. 

At the graveyard, Fitz looks around as if he was terrified. 

"Damn! Couldn't we have buried this body in a vacant field instead?" 

Bullet said, "You black guys aren't too crazy about graveyards, hey?" 

"It has nothing to do with race! I recall I was at a graveyard exactly like this back in Chicago." Fitz said defensively. Roger cracked up! "Man, I can't get enough of your sense of humor, Bullet!" Asking Roger, Bullet said, "Want to get together after this? Hope you like drugs. " Roger agrees, "Does Dawson Have a Creek! Drugs are my whole life!   
I'd love to join you!" 

Stan says, "I got a shovel ready." Roger said, "And I have a coffin! Clive Holt Undertaker Association!" Gina glared at Roger, "You already said that!" 

Dusty began to cry again, "Even if this teenager was a criminal I never should've shot him!" "Here he goes with the waterworks! Now cut that shit out and try to find a place to bury this!" orders Randall who was carrying what he thinks is the corpse of Jose Sanchez. It was really a mannequin that Robbie and Delbert had put in the corpse's place. "Hmmm, this corpse here seems to be kind of flimsy for some reason." 

The song Tripping Over Tombstones by Winter Kills begins to play. 

As the Paradise PD, Stan Smith, and Roger prepare for the 'burial'. Digging into some electrical wires that were in the dirt. Robbie, Delbert, and Terry Two Toes notice their electricity goes out. 

"Oh shit!" Robbie shouted. "What the fuck happened!" Delbert yelled. Terry Two Toes goes to the door to see. "You might want to take a look at this, guys!" Robbie and Delbert join Terry Two Toes at the front door to see Stan, Roger, and the Paradise PD digging at the graveyard. 

Delbert screams, "AAAAHHH!! IT'S THE PARADISE PD! AND TWO OTHER GUYS!" 

Robbie decides to take action, "Let's them a surprise that'll scar them for life!" "What are you going to do?" asked Terry Two Toes? "We jump into that hole in our costumes!" Robbie said. Dilbert said, "That'll teach dem cops for ruining our party!" 

Stan was digging an inch into the dirt, Bullet gets disgusted. "You know I'm the one who should be doing the digging." Stan asked, "What's wrong with the way I do it?" "Yeah, what makes you such an expert?" asked Gina. "Hello! I'm a dog! It's what we do best! Get it! Dog! Dig! Dog! Dig! Dog! Dig!" 

Roger falls over and laughs at Bullet. "This dog is so fucking hilarious! You're right, Bullet, you should be the one doing this!" "See even this cool undertaker agrees!" Bullet said. 

Fitz said, "He's right Randall. Let's give Bullet a chance here to prove his worth." Bullet prepares to dig deeper into the dirt. "Here I go!" Snorting up some cocaine first. "YEAH! OH YEAH! I AM DIGGING THIS! DIGGING THIS MOTHER!" Roger laughs again until he is almost out of breath. Bullet very quickly and fast digs a hole deep enough to put a body in. Robbie, Delbert, and Terry Two Toes are not too far behind, so they jump into the hole. Stan was impressed, "Wow! He's pretty good. Too bad that koala who works for us Reginald isn't like Bullet." 

Randall hands Dusty the bag the 'corpse' was in. "Dusty, want to pay some final respects?!" Dusty cries and begs, "No, please! I don't even wanna look at it! What do I have to!?" Fitz offers to lend a hand, "If Dusty won't. I can! I know the words to the Last Rites!" Randall gets angry at Dusty, "Hey! You killed him so now you have to be a man and take responsibility." "You tell 'em, Randall! I like your style!" Stan said. 

Dusty throws in the bag, "Okay." The bag was thrown inside, and then it was thrown out of the hole and lands on Fitz. "SHIT! I knew ghosts were real!" 

Stan theorizes, "That wasn't a ghost. It was probably some styrofoam inside the dirt." Stan and Randall throw in the bag one more time then Bullet digs the dirt back into the hole then they hear screams inside the hole. 

"HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!" 

"I think someone is trying to scare us here, guys! But I'm not scared!" Gina said. 

Dusty frets and mumbles and hides behind Fitz. "Someone protect me!" Out of the dug hole were Robbie, Delbert, and Terry Two Toes. "It's Pennywise!" yelled Randall. "And Jason, and Freddie Kruger!" Everybody expect Gina screams and runs all over the graveyard. 

"Yeah, that's right! Go ahead and run you wimps!! I'll take care of this shit myself!" Gina said then she sees the cottage. "Cool! I can do some damage control here." Stan and Roger were running but didn't know which direction to go. Stan then bumps into Francine and Klaus. "Oh, hey, Francine! What are you doing here in the Paradise Graveyard?" 

"You'll be shocked at what GPS can do, Stan!" Francine said who was very upset. "Ja, bad enough you forget your anniversary now you got to bail out on it too." Klaus tells him. "It was nothing, honest. We were just helping some corrupt cops bury a Latino kid!" Roger said. 

* * * 

Robbie, Delbert, and Terry Two Toes were headed back to the cottage. Gina was inside lying in wait. Then she sees the corpse of the real Jose Sanchez. "The hell!" she screamed then goes into hiding when she hears the trio run back in the cottage. At the graveyard as Randall, Fitz, Dusty, and Bullet were still running around. Stan explains himself to Francine, "Look, Francine. I really didn't want to help some police. However I thought I always have to be on duty. You know how it is with the CIA." Roger said, "Wait until you guys meet this cool police dog Bullet!" Ignoring Roger, Stan tells Francine, "I was going to come back to you." Francine decides to give Stan the benefit of the doubt. 

"Well, you did trick me with a Blow Up Doll of yourself and filled it with water. I thought you were getting sick!" Francine said. "I was stuck inside pretending to be you Stan." Klaus tells. "I'm sorry Francine! We only have seven more days here. After tonight, I won't let myself get sucked into any more duties. I promise." 

Stan pleaded. "Oh hell. I can't stay mad at you, Stan. What kind of a Christian would I be." Francine said. "It all evened out in the end!" Klaus said. "Yeah, your rear end!" Roger tells Klaus. "Want to go back to our hotel room?" asked Stan carrying Francine. "More than anything in the world! Happy Anniversary!" Francine said. "Happy Anniversary to you!" Stan said as they kissed. 

"Next time I'll be the one to sneak out!" said Roger. Stan and Francine went back to the Westin Hotel to enjoy their vacation anniversary. 

Gasping for air, Bullet, Fitz, Randall, and Dusty take a break from all the running they've been doing. 

"Who the fuck would want to terrorize us like that!" said Randall. "I know! Where did they get the audacity!" Fitz says. "Here I thought it was a hallucination from the cocaine I did!" Bullet joins in. Dusty still had the bag with the 'corpse' inside then trips that makes the 'corpse' inside break apart in front of them. 

Bullet decides to investigate, "Wait a minute! This isn't a corpse of a Latino teenager! This is a department store mannequin! And I ain't talking about the Darryl Hannah movie!" 

"We were tricked! Son of a bitch! When will people in this town respect us!" Randall yells. 

"So, I didn't really kill Jose Sanchez! Please say is it so!" Dusty cried again. 

"Can someone shed some light on this subject!" Fitz said. Dusty asked innocently, "Who would want to trick us? Who? Who?" 

The corpse of Jose Sanchez was thrown in their direction and some of the Latino food that was stuffed inside earlier flew out of him. "Hey assholes! Over here!" said a voice. Everyone turned. Only to see the voice was Gina dragging a now beaten up Robbie, Delbert, and Terry Two Toes. 

"They told me everything! Man, did I have fun making them confess by kicking their asses." guffaws Gina. 

Fitz stared at the now beaten Robbie, Terry Two Toes, and Delbert and implied, "Damn! Your bitch be crazy syndrome really came through for us!" 

"Turns out these dudes were having a Cosplay party!" said Gina. "That's why they dressed as those horror movie characters everyone is so apeshit crazy about." Bullet said. "While you guys were acting like pussies, I took the liberty to look inside a cottage they were having the party. Hid away until I heard them come on. That's when I saw that they stole the real corpse of Jose Sanchez that we were trying to bury!" Gina tells her story. 

"We wanted to use it as a pinata!" Delbert mumbled. Gina smacks him, "Shut up! I'm telling the story here! Then they were getting back to their party and I came out of hiding and beat the ever loving shit out of all of them and they confessed to me like you would not believe!" 

"This is why you're the best officer on the force. Good work, Gina!" Randall said. "So, I really did kill Jose Sanchez!" Dusty said. "You can forget about it now, Dusty. We're going to do what we came here to do." Fitz assured Dusty. 

Taking the real corpse of Jose Sanchez, Bullet threw the corpse into the hole they dug and buried it. As it turned out, Jose Sanchez was an orphan who had no family. Nobody in the town of Paradise even missed him or acknowledged his existence. Back at Headquarters Randall tells everyone, "One less accidential police shooting of a minority that people will blame the police on! Great job everybody!" "What happened to that Stan Smith guy? We hardly got to know him!" Fitz wondered. 

Randall gets a call on this iPHONE and Stan texted him, "It says here he went back with his wife for their vacation." Gina asked Dusty, "Hey, do you have a date for the Paradise County Fair?" 

"No, because I still feel so torn up about what I did." Dusty tells her. "You do now!" Gina said dragging Dusty out of the police department. "Forget it, Dusty! We found out later that Latino kid had no family! It's all forgotten now." Fitz tells him. 

Dusty suddenly feels better, "Wish someone could've told me before. Let's go have a good time, Gina!" "That's my Dusty! Did you like my Norbit quote?" Gina said. 

Randall asks Fitz, "Have you seen Bullet!" "No, I haven't not since last night! You know. Kevin and Stanley are missing too!" Fitz said. 

As it turns out, Kevin was still stuck at his Great Great Grandma Crawford's house. Deciding to put an end to Stanley's sexual escapade with his Grandmother. Kevin knocks on the master bedroom door. "Come on, Stanley! I got the piano inside! Time to go!" demands Kevin. Stanley opens the door and shouts, "I SAID I WAS BUSY NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" Stanley jizzed on Kevin before rejoining Grandmother Crawford. 

Kevin spurted, "GROSS! Nothing worse than old man spooge!" Then Kevin hears some objects being thrown at the house. Going outside Kevin sees Bullet and Roger throwing Argyle Meth at the house. Kevin was knocked on his side. 

"HEY! THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE! STOP THAT YOU VANDALS!" Kevin shouts. 

"Thanks for introducing me to this Argyle Meth Bullet!" complements Roger. 

"Not only does it give a great high, it's good for vandalism too!" Bullet tells Roger. 

Kevin stands up, "All right! You both give me no choice!" 

"Holy shit! I think Kevin is mad at us!" Bullet warns. 

"Let's run!" Roger screamed. 

Kevin chased Bullet and Roger down the neighborhood. 

"Boy you are such a fun person Roger!" Bullet said. 

"You're one radical dude, Bullet! After this let's go to a bar!" Roger says. 

"How much more longer are you going to be here in Paradise?" Bullet asked. 

Roger answers, "When Stan and Frannie leave. Let's say I just might stay a little longer after they've gone!" 

Kevin continues to chase Roger and Bullet. They outsmart Kevin by going into the bar to have a good time together. 

"Maybe you can come to Langley Falls someday." Roger said about to drink his beer. 

"You never know when we'll have a case that takes us out of state! We'll follow each other on Facebook until then." Bullet tells Roger. 

"DAMMIT! SLIPPED OUT OF MY HANDS!" Kevin screams and jumps himself onto the road. 

The End

The Proceeding Has Been A Narhwal Puppy Production!


End file.
